As Kim Kardashian tries to convince everyone that she isn’t a soulless human being who would drop-kick a baby down a football field if she got even the slightest whiff of money or attention, Kim is now playing the “it’s so hard being rich and never having to work” card by talking about how her life is nothing but misery and how she’s worried she’ll never find love or have a baby. At least not until E! commissions her for a season of Kim Kardashian Magical Fairytale Pregnancy and Subsequent Staged Shotgun Marriage, Mondays at 8pm. Us Weekly reports:
“I believe in love and the dream of having a perfect relationship, but my idea of it has changed,” says Kim, 31, who filed for divorce on Oct. 31 after just 72 days of marriage to Humphries, 26. “I think I need to not live in a fairy tale like that. I think I maybe need to just snap out of it and be a little more realistic.” Although happily married sister Khloé, 27, tries to dissuade Kim from those dark thoughts (“I know you will get [love] again,” she says), the mini-mogul says she needs to be “realistic … that what I want isn’t possible.” And that means, perhaps, no children of her own. “At first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three and now I’m like, maybe I won’t have any,” she says glumly. “Maybe I’ll just be a good aunt … at this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that.” Interjects Khloé: “Oh my God. Don’t be dramatic all of a sudden!”
First off: I love Khloé Kardashian, I really do. Second, what is Kim so worried about? White trash teenage girls with a 3rd grade reading level get pregnant all the time, and they do it without the help of a television studio with an entire division of necromancers whose sole purpose is to find suitable sperm to fire into the inescapable maw that is Kim Kardashian. “Kim is crowning! The time of the Ahk T’uhnt is nigh! Shroud the prophesied womb in the veil of darkness so that her child may take the form of a thousand spiders! And make sure they sign the release forms so that we can air it after Kendra. SKREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
