At this point, if you believe anything that drips out of Kim Kardashian‘s facehole, you deserve everything bad that happens to you. And now to awkwardly segue from that opinion into a story about how Kim was caught wearing something that totally looks like Spanx, and is now claiming that she doesn’t wear Spanx. Although to be fair, I’m assuming she needs industrial-strength girders to keep everything in place. The support system they use for her ass is the same one they used to support the spinning hallway from Inception. Us Weekly reports:
On Monday, the reality star — who’s had a mini fashion makeover since embarking on a romance with Kanye West — was photographed in Paris wearing a fashion-forward polka-dot dress featuring a sheer panel. Several media outlets slammed the look, and claimed that Kardashian, 31, was wearing Spanx or similar shapewear to reign in her voluptuous bod. “No Spanx here!” Kardashian explained on her website Tuesday. “I wore this gorgeous polka dot Stella McCartney dress out yesterday and I’ve seen some publications saying I’m flashing my Spanx or control underwear underneath the dress,” wrote the E! star. “But that’s exactly how I bought it with those nude panels inside. So no Spanx here! Stella made a full collection with these sheer panels on the side, and this is how my dress came!”
Except this is Kim we’re talking about, so I’d probably be right to assume that not only is she wearing Spanx, but the dress itself is made entirely of ground up Spanx, and she just injected herself with liquid Spanx in order to make herself seem firm and tight. This is what happens when Kim says anything: it creates a causal loop in the universe in order for reality to contradict what she says. God help us if she ever tries to get philosophical, else the fabric of space and time would collapse in on itself.