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Kim Kardashian: I failed at marriage!

Kim Kardashian: I failed at marriage!
January 30, 2012 JEREMY FEIST
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries

So as Kim Kardashian tried to pull a last-minute Hail Mary on her show to try and convince everyone that she’s actually capable of feeling emotions and that her whole 72-day scam marriage was actually just a 72-day really stupid marriage, Kim decided to spray on some of those fake tears (the same ones Chris Brown used to make everyone forget he nearly killed Rihanna and left her for dead) and told the camera about how sorry she is for all of this. All while saying the word “fairytale” like eight times because audiences love callbacks. Thanks, people who clearly wrote Kim’s script for her! Us Weekly reports:

“Sometimes I feel so dead inside because I haven’t really been myself here. I feel like we went from so much wedding stress and came here a couple of days later. It’s definitely been a lot to deal with that I don’t think I was really prepared for,” she told Humphries during an emotional confrontation with her beau, who agreed their relationship “got a little lost in the shuffle.”

“I invited all these people to this huge wedding and flew everyone out, wasted everyone’s time and everyone’s money — everyone’s everything — and I feel bad! At 30 years old, I thought I’d be married with kids and I’m not. I failed at this,” she tearfully told Kourtney, 32, during a wide-ranging meltdown that also included a phone call to sister Khloé, 27.

“I feel awful that I made him move out here and change his whole life. I feel sad, I feel bad for the guy. He fell in love with me and I fell in love with him and now all my feelings have changed,” she bawled.

“These past couple months have been such a growth experience for me. I just feel like I always had this vision of what my life would be like,” she reasoned when packing her bags to leave New York City. “I wanted babies and this fairytale. I wanted to be married by 30 and everything I envisioned my life to be is not really the fairytale I wanted it to be.”

Here’s how I know this whole thing was fake, other than the fact that it’s Kim and everything that comes out of her mouth is a whorish lie. First off, Kim repeats the word fairytale at the close of her little spiel. Normally, most people wouldn’t catch this, but this is what is known in writing as a “callback”. It’s a running theme in the narrative that writers work into the show to connect the narrative, and in this case, they’re trying to connect it to Kim’s Fairytale Wedding. See what they did there? Second, if Kim were actually sorry about all of this, maybe she wouldn’t have filmed all of this, maybe she wouldn’t have used editing and staged scenes to make Kris look like the bad guy, maybe she wouldn’t have cashed all those checks, maybe she would have returned her wedding gifts instead of trading them in for Rolexes for her entire family. So yeah, keep crying, see how many people buy it.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries