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WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Kim Kardashian is still trying to convince us she won’t pimp out her baby girl!

Kim Kardashian is still trying to convince us she won’t pimp out her baby girl!
June 10, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Kim Kardashian

Ever since Kim Kardashian got pregnant, she’s been trying to convince the world that she’s a super private person. You know, because private people dress like crap to get as much camera time as possible and talk about their baby to every news outlet possible. Well, now Kim is trying convince us that she won’t ever let her baby on the show, but who are we kidding? Kim is probably installing a confessional room in her cervix already for the baby. You’re never too young for your first talking head segment. RadarOnline reports …

“Kim is very serious about her pledge,” a source close to the 32-year-old E! star said. “She has said, multiple times, that the baby will not be part of the Kardashian reality-television empire.” The birth won’t feature on the series or a special, either, insisted the source — unlike Kim’s elder sister Kourtney who gave birth to daughter Penelope on the season seven finale of the family’s ratings juggernaut show. “Of course, producers want Kim to do the same as Kourt,” the insider said. “It would be a ratings dream and reality television gold. But Kim is refusing it. She doesn’t want her fans to see her in that situation…in the birthing suite.”

On one hand, I’m still convinced that Kim Kardashian would piss on an orphan if she thought she could tell People magazine it was raining. On the other hand, I just realized Kim probably doesn’t want to be seen looking even slightly ugly on TV. “Hmmmmm … I could get major ratings by giving birth on TV, but would it make me look ugly? Ugh, pregnancy is so hard sometimes. Gawd I need a drink.”

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.