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Kim and Kanye’s wedding was literally insane

Kim and Kanye’s wedding was literally insane
May 30, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Wedding Picture

Allergy season has hit me like a ton of bricks recently, to the point where in the space of a day I’ve gone through a whole cold and sinus cycle and now I’m having a headache ridden comedown. Which is all to say I have a very tenuous grasp on reality right now, and this report from Page Six doesn’t help. Apparently, they were able to slip a spy into Kim Kardashian and Kanye West‘s wedding, and the sh!t they saw was nothing short of an insane trip into a world of delusion and excess not seen since The Great Gatsby. The Piece de Resistance? A giant gold toilet …

The biggest decorative element of the wedding was a giant gold box, 49 feet (15 meters) tall, which contained the bathrooms. It was situated right next to the dinner tables at the reception with a bar in front of it. According to one Italian, “Their toilet was the star of the show.” The Italians named it the Torre di Bagni Oro (translation: the Gold Toilet Tower). Kanye returned one hour before the wedding and didn’t like the all-white bar that was in front of the Gold Toilet Tower. He took a saw and started sawing it in half himself. Two men held the bar stable as he sawed, and sawed, into the bar, defacing the entire front, screaming at everyone around him. He said it looked like a bar from Texas. Then he ordered two pieces of raw wood to be nailed onto the front of the bar. Once the wood was in place, “Now,” he said, “it’s art.” The Italian construction teams looked at this guy and couldn’t believe what they were seeing. At that same visit, when Kanye saw the $136,000 (100,000 Euro) audio system, described by one producer as the single best system in Europe, he said he didn’t like the look of the speakers and wanted them to be invisible. He said that “You Italians don’t understand my Minimalist style.” So he had the entire system pulled out as the guests were arriving, and his wedding music came from an iPod until after dinner.

See what I mean? Give the entire thing a read if you have the time, because the descent into madness both Kim and Kanye take for the sake of a reality TV wedding that will barely last a year is just delicious. It’s like Dante’s Inferno, only instead of swirling vortexes of lust and trees made of people, it involves Kim unplugging a circuit because of crotch lights and Jaden Smith turning into glass-smashing white Batman. (359 Days until their over/under divorce date.)

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.