The last thing anyone wants during their divorce is their parents butting in, because it invariably leads to them asking questions, like “What did you do?” or “You scared him with your thinking, didn’t you?” or “Did you let him see your feet? You know your feet drive men away!” And that’s why I turned out the way I did. Thankfully, amidst Katy Perry and Russell Brand‘s divorce, they were smart enough to make sure that Katy’s parents couldn’t discuss their daughter’s personal affairs with the press, which is probably for the best because Katy’s mom would have just written a book about it called Lucky Charms Turned My Daughter into a Lesbian. TMZ reports:
Katy Perry’s evangelical father has been MUZZLED … telling photogs he’s under orders to keep his mouth shut about his daughter’s divorce from Russell Brand. Perry’s dad Keith Hudson was out grocery shopping in Irvine, CA Friday — hours after Brand filed for divorce — when he told the paps, “I can’t talk … I can’t talk to you … sorry about that.” TMZ broke the story … Perry WANTED Brand to file the divorce papers, because she didn’t want to further upset her religious parents, who believe divorce is wrong.
Actually, I’m not sure what Katy is so afraid of. Her parents think randomly babbling and calling it “speaking in tongues” is God’s chosen language, so every press conference would end like this:
Reporter: Sir, any comments on your daughter’s divorce?
Katy’s Dad: Blubdlgviuabdslvkjabdsvoiuabdsvbkboisadhb.
Reporter: Son of a bitch …