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katy perry’s new video will give you eye cavities!

katy perry’s new video will give you eye cavities!
June 15, 2010 JEREMY FEIST

It’s finally here: the most anticipated video of 2010! Well, anticipated if you happen to have a thing for annoying attention-whores in stupid blue wigs. The entire thing is essentially one long look at what would happen if Candy Land were inhabited by drunk sorority chicks and ruled over by a man who produces hardcore porn.

Really.

Oddly enough, considering that Katy Perry was up on her high horse after Lady Gaga released Alejandro, this video actually offends me even more than Gaga’s. Although to be fair, firing whipped cream out of your tits isn’t all that bad, although it does slightly edge out an eight minute rip-off of everything Madonna‘s done in her career. Also: for a video called California Gurls, there is very little in the way of California. Or ‘gurls’. But that’s because there’s no such thing as ‘gurls’ because Katy Perry is just a lobotomized version of Betty Page. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hope this video curls up in a hole and dies soon.