Despite once being one of reality television’s most promising fake couples (suck it, Speidi!) the news of Levi Johnston being forced to shotgun marry baby mama/world’s greatest actress Bristol Palin has broken Kathy Griffin‘s adorable little heart. By the looks of her ripping up his Playboy centerfold and the self-promotion, I think she’s going to be alright.
And besides, you can do so much better than him, Kathy! Seriously, he voluntarily had sex with a Palin. A PALIN. Obviously, he’s not firing on all cylinders. And let’s face it: Taylor Lautner has MUCH better abs then he does. And Taylor hasn’t been the subject of a gay porn spoof featuring my ex’s sagging bitchtits, which we can all agree is a huge plus. Kathy, I guess what I’m trying to say is go out and fuck Taylor Lautner or I will!