As some of you might remember, I used to write for a site called Litely Salted, where my contract stated that I had to mock Katherine Heigl as viciously as possible at all times. Well, I’m at Popbytes now, so I’m going to give her a fresh start. Just like how Katherine Heigl is quitting smoking by … Well, doing exactly what she’s doing right now, only the cigarettes are machines, which I’m sure will end very well and not with her dying horribly of lung cancer.
“Now I use an electronic cigarette. I know it’s ridiculous, but it’s helping me not to actually smoke real cigarettes. You feel like you are smoking, and you get to exhale but it’s just water vapor and not nicotine. I’ve been doing it for six months. Smoking sucks! The one thing I would say to my kid is, ‘It’s not just that it’s bad for you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life fighting a stupid addiction to a stupid thing that doesn’t even really give you a good buzz?'” SOURCE
Oh come on, Heigl. I give you a fresh start and this is how you repay me? With fake toy cigarettes? I am enraged right now. ENRAGED. I haven’t been this pissed at a celebrity since Spencer Pratt continued breathing. Now if you’ll excuse me, in order to give you a third chance, I’m going to go into my room and mentally will Pratt’s dick off. Assuming he has one.