Kanye West won’t be charged for photographer attack

Kanye West won’t be charged for photographer attack
July 25, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Kanye West

Hey, so remember how Kanye West put a photographer in a headlock while literally everyone around him went, “Hey look! A celebrity attacking someone! Let’s all get this on film for posterity’s sake!” Well, thanks to the magic of being a rich famous person in Los Angeles (just look at Lindsay Lohan), Kanye is getting off scot-free from the whole debacle. TMZ reports …

LAPD robbery detectives are investigating the photog’s allegation that Kanye tried to steal his camera — but our sources say that dog won’t hunt. The D.A. will NEVER charge Kanye with felony attempted robbery, because there’s no proof he tried to pilfer the camera at LAX. We’re told cops will send the attempted robbery file to the D.A. and they expect it will be rejected within days. The next step — the file goes to the L.A. City Attorney for a possible misdemeanor criminal battery prosecution. But here’s why that won’t happen. We’re told Kanye is willing to ante up some cash to make the case go away, and it’s perfectly legal. It’s called a civil compromise and it’s done everyday. So Kanye will skate … and probably attack another photog.

If I understand how Kanye’s legal strategy works, you start off by saying how much what you’re about to do costs, then you do it, then you pay the stated price. I don’t know how to argue with that, although that may be because no one ever screamed a dollar amount at me before putting me in a headlock and running off. It’s so stupid it’s actually genius. I doff my hat to you, our lord and savior Yeezus.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.