Quantcast
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Justin Timberlake: That’s not my penis!

Justin Timberlake: That’s not my penis!
September 20, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Justin Timberlake

I know last week we went a little crazy with the whole Scarlett Johansson’s boobs and bum thing, mostly because it turns out at any given moment there are about a bajillion people Googling various permutations of that phrase and I love your page views the same way I love puppies and chocolate, so now I’m going to throw a bone(r) to the other team. After rumors went around about alleged pics of Justin Timberlake’s schlong being hacked off of Mila Kunis’s cell phone, Timberlake’s team went into denial mode, so I’m just going to assume that JT’s cock is going to wind up on the internet any minute now. Via People:

Reports that Friends with Benefits costars Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake shared intimate photos on their cellphones are “entirely false,” reps for both stars tell People. “At no time did Mr. Timberlake and Ms. Kunis exchange inappropriate texts or emails. … The insistence that there is any inappropriate correspondence between the two parties is entirely false,” the statement continues. “We would like to confirm that the photo addressed in the media of Ms. Kunis was in fact not from any phone but from an inactive email account that has not existed in three years. In regards to the other photos in question, they were never exchanged between the two parties. In closing, Mr. Timberlake would like us to make it clear that while he might write songs about putting things in boxes, he never has and definitely doesn’t make a habit of taking any photos of them and sending them,” the statement continues. Also “Ms. Kunis would like us to add that while she is a fan of the song, she does not have nor has ever had photos of any male parts in her possession.”

And now, time to translate this into the truth thanks to the patented PopBytes Bullshit-to-Actual-Human-Speech translator. Let me just calibrate this to “PR Denial”, aaaaaaaand … go:

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT EVERYONE’S GONNA SEE MY PENIS OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT.

Glad we cleared that up.

Justin Timberlake