WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
 

Justin Bieber has a sex tape?!

Justin Bieber has a sex tape?!

Yeah, those words up there are happening. Anyway, during a concert, some “personal footage” of Justin Bieber was stolen after someone snatched his and his tour manager’s computer and camera. Was it a sex tape? Probably not — at least I’m hoping not because just GOOD JEEBUS NO. We do not need that to be a thing — but Gawker assumes it is because … actually, now that I rationalize this in my head, that sounds almost feasible. Still, ick.

It’s hard to think of a document of as much magnitude as the fabled Justin Bieber Sex Tape — the Pentagon Papers, maybe? — and it seems unlikely that Bieber would be stupid enough to tweet about it if it existed.

In all likelihood, it’s probably not a sex tape so much as it is a bunch of really dumb footage of him, but who knows? The kid drives around in a chrome hot rod, so clearly he’s compensating for something. And by “something” I mean “listenable songs.”

Justin Bieber