Justin Bieber is being investigated for battery

Justin Bieber is being investigated for battery
March 27, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

All right, let’s go over a few things here shall we? Justin Bieber is roughly the size of Thumbelina, weighs maybe twenty pounds soaking wet, and has never done any sort of physical labor in his life. Got all that? Excellent. Well, Justin is currently being investigated for battery after getting into a fight with one of this neighbors, although to be fair, Justin Bieber’s punches feel exactly like a pleasant breeze, so this could all be one big misunderstanding. TMZ reports …

L.A. County Sheriff’s spokesperson Steve Whitmore tells TMZ … the accuser told deputies Justin made physical contact with him and he has filed a battery report. He also claims Justin threatened him. Sources connected with Justin’s security tell TMZ … the neighbor came on to Justin’s property and began screaming that while Justin was away (overseas) there were people at the house throwing loud parties. Our sources tell us Justin told the man to get off his property … but they insist Justin did not have any physical contact with him.

Apparently, the whole thing started because Justin decided to drive down his street at 100 MPH. Now that I sound it out, that completely makes sense. Justin is douchey and self-centred enough to use a quiet domestic street for drag racing. But no, he sounds like he’s adjusted well and that he hasn’t been completely ruined by fame. I should just focus on the music.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.