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JUSTIN BIEBER DEMANDS A SACRIFICE!

JUSTIN BIEBER DEMANDS A SACRIFICE!
January 3, 2011 JEREMY FEIST

So Justin Bieber was caught making out with Selena Gomez this weekend (presumably after screaming “EWWWW! GIRL LIPS!” and then crying). Guess how well this went over with the millions upon millions of delusional, emotionally-unstable girls Justin calls his fan base? If you said “they sent her a massive wave of death threats” congratulations! You understand how rabid, nonsensical fandom works.

— roses are red, violets are blue, @selenagomez if you’ll break @justinbieber’s heart I’m gonna kill you :3
— @selenagomez I’ll kill you I swear on GOD!!!!
— @selenagomez If you are the Girlfriend of Justin I will Kill you I HATE YOU :@ !!!
— @selenagomez whore cancer whore..like i’mm kill myself cuz i saw you and Justin kissing well thankyou Selena thankyou now i’m killing myself
— @selenagomez stay away from Justin pedophile, retard wait i’m gonna kill ya in the night underneath your smelly bed SOURCE

Sure, you may just think that is just another simple case of Bieber’s fans being loosely tethered to reality, but in reality, Justin is actually just hungry for more souls. And nothing satiates that hunger like a little ol’ fashioned rituatlistic human sacrifice! BRING IN THE VIRGIN BORN UNDER A WINTER’S MOON!