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Justin Bieber’s penis is hard to blur out?

Justin Bieber’s penis is hard to blur out?
March 5, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

Remember that jailhouse video of Justin Bieber urinating that was supposed to be released? Well, apparently there’s a bit of a problem: The judge who okayed the release did so with the caveat that they had to blur Justin’s little Bieber. For some reason though, Justin moves a lot when he pees, and they’re having some trouble blurring a moving target. A tiny, moving target. TMZ reports …

Law enforcement sources tell us … they fully intend to release one more jailhouse video of the dainty jailbird … a video showing him peeing into the visible jail toilet. The judge previously ordered cops to blur Bieber’s junk before releasing it … we mean the video. But there’s a problem … Our sources say they’re having trouble obfuscating Bieber’s genital area, because he moves as he pees. But they’re also having technical issues blurring the video. We’re told the police tech team has been working on the problem non-stop since Tuesday.

Here’s what kills me: Someone on the police force probably went to university for years. They probably took film studies or editing courses to learn how to work with media. They probably worked their entire lives to achieve their dreams. And now they’re spending weeks pouring over video of some entitled little kid jumping around in jail trying to blur out his penis because he’s famous. And that’s why the college drop-out rate is the highest it’s ever been.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.