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Justin Bieber partied at a Texas strip club

Justin Bieber partied at a Texas strip club
October 21, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

Because Justin Bieber is all grown up and gangsta and a real tough mothaf**ka (unless you need to carry him up the Great Wall of China because his feet hurt, in which case, Justy wants up-up) Justin partied at a strip club in Houston, Texas over the weekend. Shirtless, naturally. For you see, Justin Bieber’s teensy little show muscles cannot be bound by the constraints of your human clothing. His twelve-inch biceps need to breathe man! LET THOSE PYTHONS BREATHE! TMZ reports …

Biebs hit up VLive … enjoying time with his shirt off and pants down. Here’s the highlight … one of the strippers tweeted afterwards, “He touched my ass I almost fainted.” She also had this introspective observation — “I’ve danced for a lot of celebrities and they normally don’t phase me but Justin had me in shock!”

In all likelihood, the thing that probably shocked her was Justin’s boundless machismo …

Stripper: Hey baby, you wanna buy a girl a drink?
Justin: Sure thing. Tonight it’s just you, me, and a pair of Kool-Aid jammers.
Stripper: Ummm …
Justin: Actually, would you mind poking the straw through the foil for me? I can never get it in.
Stripper: You know what? Let’s just do a dance. I’ll pass on the juice.
Justin: Awww girl, you know I love it. Especially when a girl jangles her keys for me.
Stripper: … seriously?
Justin: Jangle them keys girl, you’re making me so — Whoops. Looks like I made a boom-boom. SCOOTER! BRING ME THE FLUSHABLE WIPES.

PHOTO | LIRA GALOE / TWITTER

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.