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Justin Bieber is marvelous in bed (says Tati Neves)

Justin Bieber is marvelous in bed (says Tati Neves)
November 12, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Tati Neves and Justin Bieber

Hope you weren’t actually planning on eating or sleeping for the rest of the day, because here comes tales of Justin Bieber‘s sex life. Because I am The Harbinger and my gift to you is pain. Anyway, Tati Neves is talking about sleeping with Justin again, and if she’s to be believed, he’s apparently packing, great in bed, and DOESN’T cry after sex. Aaaaaaaaaand now I’m convinced she was lying about the whole thing. Via Gawker

According to Brazilian model Tati Neves, 27, not only is Justin Bieber “marvelous and unforgettable” in the sack, he’s also “very well endowed.” She even said that when she left Bieber’s room in the morning, she got a voicemail from him asking her to come back, but that she couldn’t return because she was “too exhausted.” She then praised Justin for his “stamina” and “energy” and said he “looked great” naked. Gross.

Ugh. Just … no. No to all of this. The thought of Justin’s skinny, tiny, horribly-tattooed body spasming on top of a woman makes me want to just hang up my genitals for good. Thanks Justin! My junk is now purely just for show, and it’s all your fault. I hope you’re pleased with yourself.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.