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Justin Bieber: Blaming his drunk walk on a broken foot!

Justin Bieber: Blaming his drunk walk on a broken foot!
March 19, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber

So despite the fact that Justin Bieber‘s post-arrest toxicology report tested positive for weed and Xanax (which he apparently doesn’t have a prescription for) and the fact that Justin blew a .04 in his breathalyzer test, which is double the legal limit for someone under the legal drinking age, Justin is trying to defend himself by saying that he wasn’t drunk! He just had a broken foot. Sure. Sure bitch. Page Six reports …

The police summary of Bieber’s performance on various sobriety tests following his Jan. 23 arrest shows that the pop singer told officers he had injured his foot skateboarding three months earlier. The officer had noted that Bieber appeared to sway and have leg tremors during one of the tests, and also winced as if in pain. “He appeared to have great difficulty,” the report noted, adding that the injury never was mentioned or noticed after that test.

Naturally, that sounds like total bullsh!t, so you’d figure Justin would try to err on the cautious side. Except no, he acted like a stupid little douche!

The report describes Bieber as initially “agitated and condescending” and using frequent profanity when brought to the police station. “He then got upset and said, `I’m 19 years old. I’m just out having a good time,’” the report quoted him as saying. “What were you doing when you were 19?” The officer replied that he was not driving around in a Lamborghini at that age. “Yeah, well, I bet you didn’t have millions of dollars in your bank account either,” Bieber was quoted in reply.

Yes, because as we all know, having millions of dollars in your bank account means you cannot be arrested for driving under the influence. Hell, the founding fathers even wrote it right into the constitution. “Let’s see here … we the people, yadda yadda yadda, something about freedom, and if you’re a famous millionaire, you are magically incapable of driving drunk. Now, someone invent cars so all of that will make sense.”

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.