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Justin Bieber and Paris Hilton aren’t doing it

Justin Bieber and Paris Hilton aren’t doing it
May 20, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Justin Bieber and Paris Hilton

You know, Justin Bieber‘s career has kind of been circling the drain for the past year or so, thanks to a steady diet of Sizzurp, entitlement, and Brazilian prostitutes. But behold, the lowest possible low one can achieve in their personal and professional lives: Justin Bieber now has to deny rumors that he and Paris Hilton are banging. That’s it. Hang it up. Justin is over. He better pray that The Surreal Life makes a comeback, because there’s no coming back from this. TMZ reports …

Paris and Justin partied in Cannes Sunday night at Gotha Nightclub. There are reports that the 2 got cozy … with the 33-year-old climbing into Justin’s 20-year-old lap … then leaving for his house. But here’s the deal. We’re told 50 people went back to Justin’s house — Paris was never alone with him. And something else we were told … she said the party was lame and couldn’t stand the fact that Justin was playing his own songs … so she left after half an hour.

Really? This is how it’s going to go? Paris is going to pretend that she’s better than anyone? No. Not happening. I mean hell, the only reason we know for sure that Justin never slept with Paris is because his penis isn’t currently screaming. Justin may be on a one-way trip to embarrassing obscurity, there’s still an absolute bottom, and it’s exchanging bodily fluids with Paris.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.