Jon Hamm is the greatest man to ever live. Not only is he sexy, talented, funny, and the star of one of the greatest shows ever to feature a scene where a drunken secretary obliterates a man’s foot with a riding lawn mower during an office party, but it turns out he hates Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian almost as much as I do. I say “almost” because until he starts jokingly comparing Paris’ vajooter to a prehistoric carnivore, I’ve still got him beat. New York Daily News reports:
Jon Hamm is joining fellow no-nonsense Hollywood stud Daniel Craig in bashing two of reality TV’s most famous faces: Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian.
“We’re at a place where the idea of being ‘elite’ is somehow considered negative,” he tells the April issue of Elle UK. “Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated.”
The Mad Men actor added that these days, “being a f—ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly. … It’s celebrated. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
All right, good start Jon. Attacking people for endorsing stupidity is great, now you have to go in for the kill by joking that Paris’ vagina is a great white shark.
“Sometimes that Paris Hilton, she looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. And, you know, the thing about Paris… she’s got lifeless wonkey eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes, if someone left the doll’s face on a hot stove for too long. When she comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be living… until she bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, she comes in and she … rips you to pieces.”
- Quint, Jaws (1975)