It’s kind of a given that if you dump Taylor Swift, she’s going to write a song about the relationship because she’s essentially still a teenage girl and hasn’t yet figured out that just because you wrote it in your diary, doesn’t mean you have to make it a song. (I’m looking at you Alanis Morissette.) And if you’re John Mayer, he of the racist penis and generally douchey manner, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise when you get called out for hump-and-dumping a little girl, and yet here he is, belly-aching to Rolling Stone about how Swift wrote a song about him and hurt his pwecious wittle feewings.
Mayer now tells Rolling Stone that he learned about Swift’s feelings directly from her song. “I never got an e-mail. I never got a phone call,” he says. “I was really caught off-guard, and it really humiliated me at a time when I’d already been dressed down. I mean, how would you feel if, at the lowest you’ve ever been, someone kicked you even lower?” When asked about the song’s line, “Don’t you think I was too young to be messed with?” Mayer says, “I don’t want to go into that.”
Mayer also takes issue with “Dear John” as a musician. “I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting,” he says. “I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”
Wait, the guy who called his penis a white supremacist before saying that he dumped Jennifer Aniston because she was stuck in the 90’s and referring to Jessica Simpson as “sexual napalm” is crying because someone called him out in a song? How does that logic work? Would it have been okay if Taylor had printed it all in a Playboy interview?