Remember back when Jim Carrey had a career? Yeah me neither. Anyway, I’m guessing the pressures of having to carry an entire movie about penguins must have finally gotten to him, because the guy has full-blown lost it and has now taken to posting videos on-line to Emma Stone about he wants her to carry his stalker babies (I’m paraphrasing here). Here’s the entire transcript via Huffington Post in case you don’t want to sit through two whole minutes of an Jim Carrey’s creepy wrinkled rapeface.
I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex?
Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernable signs of aging that I can find so far. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.
Seriously, whatever happened to “a/s/l?” It’s fast, it’s easy, and it keeps us from having to watch a video of you standing uncomfortably close to the camera with a stare that says “The wolves in my head say the screaming won’t stop until I put a child in your vagina.” Man, if this had come out a couple months earlier, maybe Chris Hanson wouldn’t have had time to fuck chicks who weren’t his wife.