So despite the fact that I think there’s a story about how Jessica Simpson looks pregnant but is actually just a little chubby something like every other week here (I mean holy shit, she’s a couple extra pounds overweight. Have you ever considered the baby inside of her might be of the food variety?) reports are circulating that Jessica might be pregnant with her man Eric Johnson‘s baby. Again with the dumbass reports, I just … whatever. Here’s Showbiz Spy with the possible non-story:
The singer-and-actress is said to be expecting a baby with her former NFL player fiance, Eric Johnson, and has already been having some weird cravings. “She’s already having kooky cravings, especially nacho chips dipped in chocolate, which satisfies her urge for salty and sweet. She’s also developed a taste for cheesy popcorn and non-alcoholic margaritas,” a source said. Speculation has been rife for weeks that Jessica was pregnant after she was pictured wearing loose-fitting clothing and the news was confirmed at Eric’s recent 32nd birthday party after she sent back a celebratory glass of champagne.
First off, considering how many goddamn times this non-story has come up, I’m not buying it until I see the ultrasounds. And second, nachos in chocolate sauce? Cheesy popcorn? Non-alcoholic margaritas? Holy shit, I’d slip a pillow under my shirt and tell everyone I was crowning too if it meant I could cram all of that into my mouth. “Yup, my … um, my vagina is just getting, like, super big right now. Yup, looks like I’m laying my baby. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to take this bucket of cocoa Doritos into the bathroom with me and just squeeze this thing out into the toilet. Don’t worry, I saw it on, like, every episode of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”