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BREAKING NEWS: Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler aren’t banging!

BREAKING NEWS: Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler aren’t banging!
April 28, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler

With the media collectively shitting bricks over the fact that A) British royalty is getting married to a lowly peasant girl (good heavens, whatever will the Queen think?) and B) The President of the United States of America was born in the United States of America, I really don’t have a lot to work with that doesn’t involve either the fetishization of royalty or the single most obvious fact I’ve ever heard, so instead, here’s a story about how Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler were rumored to be having sex with each other but then it turned out they weren’t. Wah-wah.

It’s not “an official romance yet,” says Star, but the pair has been spotted “buying sandwiches” at a local deli and doing karaoke at a nearby hotspot. However, despite such scandalous sandwich-buying (oh, my!), the magazine’s story about a budding relationship between the co-stars is way off-base. Butler and Biel are NOT romantically involved. A source close to Butler tells Gossip Cop the actors are working on Playing the Field together – and that is all. SOURCE

My God, sandwich buying? KARAOKE? Why doesn’t Gerard throw her over a table in the middle of a Starbucks and go to town? Except oh yeah that’s right, sandwiches and karaoke are two of the most boring, sexless things ever. Jesus, are they that desperate to find a new couple? THIS JUST IN: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Emma Stone were spotted nodding to each other on an elevator, then spending the rest of the ride staring silently off into space. Clearly they’re fucking like rabbits. WHAT A SCOOP!

Jessica Biel and Gerard Butler