And that’s all I’m gonna be able to squeeze out of that lemon, because the only joke I can think of here is that this is the only thing Jessica Alba created this summer that won’t tank the careers of Joel McHale and Ricky Gervais. UP TOP FOR BAD MOVIES! *High-Five*
Jessica Alba gave birth to daughter Haven Garner Warren, the actress announced on Facebook Saturday. “She was born on Saturday, weighed 7 lbs and was 19 inches long. Healthy and happy!” Alba wrote. “Big sister Honor couldn’t be more excited about the new addition to our family. Thank you for all of your support during my pregnancy. It means the world to me.” SOURCE
And ummm … baby joke? Oh fuck it, do you have any idea how hard it is to have to try and squeeze something bitchy and funny out of giving birth? It’s not possible. Birth isn’t funny. It’s actually pretty awful. Your vagina gets all torn up, you squeeze out a tiny human being with what looks like a jellyfish attached to their stomachs and sometimes you even poop yourself in front of a room of rich geniuses while you’re beet red and covered in sweat. It’s not pretty, okay?