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Jerry Sandusky: I shouldn’t have showered with those kids!

Jerry Sandusky: I shouldn’t have showered with those kids!
November 15, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Jerry Sandusky

Because sometimes you really cannot write a better headline than the nugget of head-smashing stupidity that some people give you, Jerry Sandusky gave his first post-everyone-found-out-that-he-molested-countless-children interview to Bob Costas, where he pretty much admits that he did everything a pedophile would do, but he’s not a pedophile! Just a man who loves kids. Yup, he loves them so much, he started a charity where he molested them and then pimped them out to other grown men who love children. It kills me that I wrote that sentence and it is COMPLETELY TRUE. TMZ reports:

Jerry Sandusky claims he’s not a pedophile, but also admits showering with young boys … in his first interview since the Penn State scandal broke. Sandusky talked to Bob Costas, and admitted … “I have horsed around with kids. I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their legs without intent of sexual contact.” During the interview, which airs tonight on NBC’s Rock Center … Sandusky claims he is innocent … and concedes, “I shouldn’t have showered with those kids.”

So basically Jerry got naked with kids in the shower, hugged them and touched their legs, but not in like a weird way. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah: EVERY CHILD MOLESTER WHO EVER LIVED. Of course Jerry would use the whole “I didn’t do anything wrong: kids are coming on to me and you’re all just making this weird” alibi, which is pretty much the first lesson to Child Molester 101. The second lesson is telling kids that if they ever go to the police, God will throw them into a fire forever.

Jerry Sandusky