Jeremy Piven allegedly gives terrible head

Stop me if you heard this one: An overly cocky braggart is terrible at sexing a woman. Shocking? Of course not. But this time we’re talking about Jeremy Piven and we allegedly have a first-hand account of the crappy cunnilingus, so hello again, my old friend schadenfreude. Gawker reports:

This is a good song, I thought as his head maneuvered somewhere below my waist. I was kind of also watching TV—a football game was on mute—and finally starting to come to the realization that John Legend was worth all the hype he was getting at the Sundance Film Festival the previous year.

I alternated between being nervous that I was not as hot as his last hookup, being amazed that I was looking at Entourage’s Ari Gold eat my pussy, and being bored with how mundane it was. It was all somewhat disappointing, frankly.

To make matters worse, I caused a minor accident that could have been disastrous. I get a bit lively when I’m being intimate, and I threw a pillow off to the side at one point, which landed on the nightstand. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a flash of light.

“Jeremy! The candle— !” Candlelight is so cliché, anyway.

I’d say that making fun of Jeremy for having a stripper call him out for bad oral sex would be like shooting fish in a barrel, but knowing Jeremy, he probably would have tried to eat the allegorical fish and then end up with mercury poisoning.

Jeremy Piven

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Whitney Houston / Yaya Dacosta ANTM's Yaya DaCosta takes on Whitney Houston in Lifetime biopic of the singer's life OMG Blog
Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes 'literally could not be more excited' about their baby Celebitchy
Lea Michele and the Glee cast share heartfelt messages about Cory Moneith :( PopSugar
Hugh Jackman recently shaved his head to play Blackbeard in the Peter Pan movie! SOW
Zac Efron has apaprently been hooking up with Michelle Rodriguez since 2011?! The Blemish
Glee's Becca Tobin's boyfriend, Matt Bendik, was found dead in his hotel room! ICYDK
The day we all haven't been waiting for is here, Paris Hilton has a new single out Celebslam
Oh my word ... this is one red carpet fashion disaster that no one should see! Hollywood Tuna
Watch: Sexy Dolce & Gabbana models hit on you ... while they suck on helium! Oh La La
Someone tell Lindsay Lohan that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words Evil Beet
Brody Jenner went to Reggie Bush's wedding after skipping Kim Kardashian's wedding! Dlisted