WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

James Deen isn’t doing it with Lindsay Lohan!

James Deen isn’t doing it with Lindsay Lohan!

James Deen and Lindsay Lohan

A month or so ago, it was announced that Lindsay Lohan would be starring in Bret Easton EllisThe Canyons alongside porn star / basket-of-puppies-turned-human James Deen. Immediately, the reaction was “Well, at least we know the porn star is professional enough to hold down a career.” And it turns out, he really is a consummate professional: He’s going on the record to tell anyone and everyone that he is not, nor has he ever, had sex with LiLo. The Huffington Post reports:

“I can definitely, honestly say Lindsay Lohan and I are not having sex!,” he told the website, adding, “[If I was] I think I would tell everybody.” The inevitable rumors about the two began as soon as they were photographed grabbing a smoke together outside a restaurant. And though Deen beds women for a living, he says things with Lohan are strictly professional. “I don’t know anything about her except for that she’s a really nice, down-to-earth, normal twenty-five-year-old girl,” he told the magazine (for the record, Lohan turned 26 on July 2). “We went to a business dinner and she was very professional. She drank coffee and water. Then she had to call for a car because she couldn’t walk ten feet from the door because of the paparazzi.”

Wait, what rumors? I haven’t heard anything that would even remotely suggest these two were having sex, unless … oh, dammit.

Dina Lohan: Hello, Harvey Levin?
Harvey: Oh for – Dina, it’s four in the morning. What is it?
Dina: My daughter’s having sex with that porn star James Deen!
Harvey: No she isn’t.
Dina: Come on Harvey, don’t hold out on me. I only have a dozen bottles of gin left. That will barely last me through breakfast!
Harvey: (Sighs) Should I list you as a ‘reliable source’ or ‘anonymous’?

James Deen and Lindsay Lohan