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James Deen isn’t doing it with Lindsay Lohan!

James Deen isn’t doing it with Lindsay Lohan!

A month or so ago, it was announced that Lindsay Lohan would be starring in Bret Easton EllisThe Canyons alongside porn star / basket-of-puppies-turned-human James Deen. Immediately, the reaction was “Well, at least we know the porn star is professional enough to hold down a career.” And it turns out, he really is a consummate professional: He’s going on the record to tell anyone and everyone that he is not, nor has he ever, had sex with LiLo. The Huffington Post reports:

“I can definitely, honestly say Lindsay Lohan and I are not having sex!,” he told the website, adding, “[If I was] I think I would tell everybody.” The inevitable rumors about the two began as soon as they were photographed grabbing a smoke together outside a restaurant. And though Deen beds women for a living, he says things with Lohan are strictly professional. “I don’t know anything about her except for that she’s a really nice, down-to-earth, normal twenty-five-year-old girl,” he told the magazine (for the record, Lohan turned 26 on July 2). “We went to a business dinner and she was very professional. She drank coffee and water. Then she had to call for a car because she couldn’t walk ten feet from the door because of the paparazzi.”

Wait, what rumors? I haven’t heard anything that would even remotely suggest these two were having sex, unless … oh, dammit.

Dina Lohan: Hello, Harvey Levin?
Harvey: Oh for – Dina, it’s four in the morning. What is it?
Dina: My daughter’s having sex with that porn star James Deen!
Harvey: No she isn’t.
Dina: Come on Harvey, don’t hold out on me. I only have a dozen bottles of gin left. That will barely last me through breakfast!
Harvey: (Sighs) Should I list you as a ‘reliable source’ or ‘anonymous’?

James Deen and Lindsay Lohan