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J.J. Abrams will direct the new ‘Star Wars’ movie

J.J. Abrams will direct the new ‘Star Wars’ movie
J.J. Abrams

J.J. Abrams

In what I can only assume is a brazen attempt to confuse your parents even more about the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, J.J. Abrams has been tapped as the director of the new Disney-fied Star Wars, which means you can look forward to the big twist ending where the whole movie was just Hurley day-dreaming while stuck on the island. All right, have I alienated all our non-nerd readers? I have? Terrific. Via Coming Soon

Star Trek Into Darkness helmer J.J. Abrams will direct Star Wars: Episode VII for Walt Disney Pictures and Lucasfilm, reports The Wrap. The site says that Ben Affleck was also in contention. Back in November, Abrams commented on the possibility of him directing and it sounded like it wasn’t happening: “Look, Star Wars is one of my favorite movies of all time. I frankly feel that – I almost feel that, in a weird way, the opportunity for whomever it is to direct that movie, it comes with the burden of being that kind of iconic movie and series. I was never a big Star Trek fan growing up, so for me, working on Star Trek didn’t have any of that, you know, almost fatal sacrilege, and so, I am looking forward more then anyone to the next iterations of Star Wars, but I believe I will be going as a paying moviegoer!”

So if I had to guess how this movie is going to play out? Well …

Leia Jr.: All right, Han Solo Jr., we have to go save the Jedi or whatever.
Han Solo Jr.: Yes to that thing you just sai- Ow! F*ck! A lens flare!
Leia Jr.: Oh! Oh! Right in my eyes! Son of a bitch, I’m going to be seeing weird dark spots for hours now.
Han Solo Jr.: Oh no, they’re getting worse! EVERYTHING BURNS!
Leia Jr.: AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!
Han Solo Jr.: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!