It’s official: Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn are banging

I know, I know, I’m sorry. This isn’t how any of us wanted to start off the week, but … well, them’s the breaks I guess. Anyway, after months of speculation, Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn went public at White House Correspondents’ dinner. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go dip my head in bleach until the mental image of Sean’s sagging, wrinkly penis in Scarlett dissolves out of my brain forever.

After a series of romantic-looking sightings, Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson all but confirmed their coupledom with the ultimate public display of affection for super-private stars.

Hand holding.

They were spotted in the incriminating position Saturday night, outside a White House Correspondents’ Dinner after-party in Washington, D.C. SOURCE

Okay, so yes, hand-holding is pretty much the tamest form of social contact ever, but as we all know, hand-holding is a gateway drug, just like all those outraged people in the 50’s and 60’s claimed! Soon, those rapscalions will be drinking malted milkshakes down at the soda shoppe, dancing The Twist at the sock hop and (*GASP*) fornicating before marriage! Horror upon horror! Quick, someone turn on the TV so that we may watch small-minded propaganda about how Russia will destroy the world in nuclear warfare!

Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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