...the first clue, says phil, is waiting for them on top of their luggage. on his command, teams will race to their luggage, read the clue, jump into their marked cars, and race to the million dollar finish line. "ready, set, go!" says phil, as he raises an eyebrow as if to ask production why they let survivors on this race. (sorry, i'll stop the angry rob and amber comments now.) running here and there! lots of cheering! phil almost falls over! lots of luggage being loaded into cars! lots of stupidity on rob's part when he discovers he lacks the intelligence of knowing how to open the truck of a car. all the teams leave and rob is still there, moseying around while amber tans or something. there is a lot of driving and everyone knows where they are going. so far, so goo-boring. heidi proves quite early on that she does not know how to drive as she almost gets into a car crash on a busy freeway. other teams see this, and it freaks them out. lynn and alex almost go into convulsions. heidi's driving seems to make patrick's voice even freakier as he adds a vibrato to the last syllable of every sentence he recites. heidi's driving also has an affect on gretchen of meredith and gretchen which makes her say "oh god darn" over and over and over. she's like high on energizer or something. she just keeps going and going and going. which isn't much to say about rob and amber, as they just get into their car and drive off into california, to LAX to be exact. at LAX, teams have to catch a flight to lima, peru. they have a choice between two flights-american airlines to peru arriving at 4:59 am and a united airlines flight that arrives in peru at 6:25 am. after a bit of confusion, everyone is booked on his or her flight: on american, we have (not in order of booking) susan and patrick; debra and bianca; rob and kelly; ryan and chuck; megan and heidi; and ray and deana. on the united flight, we have lynn and alex; rob and amber; meredith and gretchen; uchenna and joyce; and brian and greg. uchenna and joyce and brian and greg were in line for the american flight, but they arrived too late and it sold out, causing them to go for the united flight-their only other option. in lima, the teams' task is to find the plaza de armas, where they will find their next clue. so far, pretty easy. with a bunch of teamwork, all the american flight teams (except susan and patrick and debbie and bianca) get on the same bus to the plaza de armas. susan and patrick and debbie and bianca form an early alliance and get themselves to the plaza de amras before the other bus. susan and patrick and debbie and bianca (i'm tired of repeating that) are the first to arrive at the plaza, and the clue there tells them to travel to the city of ancon where they must find the playa hermosa, a beach. there, they will dig through large piles of sand to find weapons with which they can disable rob and amber's cars. well, actually, they will actually search for plane tickets buried in the sand for another flight. there are three possible flight times-6:00 am, 7:00 am, and 7:40 am. the second flight (united) arrives, and rob and amber find a fan who wants to help them. they hide and secretly get on a bus with their new friend. the other teams notice rob and amber's disappearance and question where they have gone. they get on the next bus that comes and give up the whole matter altogether. in the streets, people dance and act stupid. the people of ancon wonder why all these silly americans have suddenly arrived. in ancon, susan, patrick, debbie, and bianca look for the playa. they get into little bicycle devices and are unfortunately transported to the beach and not the hispanic version of snoop dogg. everyone else takes busses here and there and eventually ends up at the playa. they all dig through the sand and get their plane tickets. ray and deana were convinced debbie and bianca were out to get them when they supposedly told them to go to the wrong pile of sand. it's really ray and deana's fault since they had the nerve to as debbie and bianca where to go. deb and bi have no obligation to tell them anything. jeez, they shouldn't be so trustworthy of other people. the teams that get the first flight-6:00 am-to cusco, their next destination, are debbie and bianca, susan and patrick, and rob and amber. for the 7:00 am flight, brian and greg, lynn and alex, and uchenna and joyce. the last flight at 7:40 am carries ray and deana, megan and heidi, and meredith and gretchen. R&D and M&H arrived before M&G, but they chose the wrong pile and could have got the 7:00 tickets if they had paid more attention. the next morning, susan and patrick and debbie and bianca (these teams are getting nicknames after the next episode), get up and catch a ride to the airport. so does everyone else. blah blah blah, everyone is sitting in the airport waiting. the 6:00 am flight leaves and the 7:00 am flight is about to board when there is a spanish announcement that it has been delayed. my spanish skills also impress me because i understood everything the announcer said without having to read the subtitles. thank god for "introduction to spanish." everyone comments how they are screwed and the unfortunate souls who got the 7:40 am tickets look as happy as can be. a ticket agent comes up to the delayed teams and informs them happily that they will be put on the 7:40 flight. everyone seems happy and it's all very fun in the airport. yawn. the 6:00 am flight arrives and susan and patrick, debbie and bianca, and the survivors are all dizzy. rob explains that he got out his alcohol and acted like a true "boston rob," but the show takes over my imagination and tells us that the altitude is affecting everyone. they drink some pissed-coloured tea that should help them get better and find their clue easily. the clue: "go to huambutio, peru and find a kiosk from which they will get their next clue." that's heavily paraphrased, by the way. they all get into marked cabs and go to huambutio. the kiosk is operated by a man named filipe. hi filipe! everyone greets him and he similes a lot. the clue tells them they will have to take multiple zip lines across a gorge to reach the bottom, where they will find their next clue. everyone does the task successfully and they all get the detour clue. the detour is "rope a llama or rope a basket." in "rope a llama", teams will have to rope two llamas and push/pull/threaten them into a pen not too far away. in "rope a basket", teams will have to carry two baskets each filled with 35lbs of a green herb to a store back in the town. all the teams arrive at some point and each choose and successfully complete the detour. nothing exciting happens during the detour so there isn't much to say. the people who chose to rope a llama are debbie and bianca; susan and patrick; uchenna and joyce; ryan and chuck; meredith and gretchen; the baskets are brian and greg; rob and amber; debbie and bianca (who switched from llamas), megan and heidi; ron and kelly; lynn and alex; and ray and deana. lesson: llamas spit. a lot. after completing the detour, teams must find the local police station and get into a marked delivery truck that will take them to pisac market where they will have to search the market for their next clue. in the first truck are the survivors and susan and patrick. in the second truck are debbie and bianca. in the third truck are brian and greg and lynn and alex. fourth, meredith and gretchen. fifth, deana and ray and uchenna and joyce. in the last truck are ron and kelly, ryan and chuck, megan and heidi. at the marketplace, teams find their last clue hidden amongst a bunch of rows and columns and "colours," as said by uchenna and joyce. the clue directs them to their first pit stop! whoooo, excitement. after a short little traffic jam, the first team to arrive is debbie and bianca who don't win a trip, but win $10000 each! i guess season seven is getting lucky after all. second place: susan and patrick (whooo!) third place: rob and amber fourth place: brian and greg fifth place: lynn and alex sixth place: meredith and gretchen (whooo!) seventh place: ray and deana eighth place: uchenna and joyce ninth place: megan and heidi tenth place: ron and kelly eliminated: ryan and chuck. ron and kelly and ryan and chuck's placements were down to the second. ryan and chuck were out run by the POW and the "pageant queen" and suffered their game demise because of that. i am also questioning why i called ron and kelly "POW and pageant queen." i'm sick of hearing ron talk about the war to everyone. i'm surprised he didn't ramble on and on to filipe at that kiosk. all in all, this premiere wasn't that bad, but there wasn't much action. it was a bit more exciting than other seasons, but that's probably because there are all new teams. the casting seems better this season as well-the teams seem more diverse. i was expecting more drama from this episode! i thought maybe lynn would break a nail or something and the production would have to be stalled (i'm sorry). next week, the editors seem to have pieced together some action: lynn and alex say a scale is rigged and walk about saying "bitches." way to go! something else happens, but i was so intent at figuring out where their next location would be, i missed it altogether. i hope you enjoyed this recap and come back for the other recaps in the weeks to come!