Heidi and Spencer faked sex on ‘Celebrity Big Brother’

When we last left Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, they were banished to a cold dark basement by complete strangers and Spencer was acting like a douchebag. Basically, the universe was as it should be. Anyway, because nothing brings in the page views like a sex tape, even if it’s a sex tape by useless nobodies — Hello, Octomom! — Spencer and Heidi figured that there was no better place to make another fake sex tape than on Celebrity Big Brother‘s live-streaming cameras. Via RadarOnline

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are contestants on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK, and they got so frisky over the weekend that the bosses banned their steamy sex session from the airwaves! In images deemed too racy to air live on the reality show, the outspoken couple were snuggling under the covers and things started to heat up.

“I love you so much. It’s getting hot in here,” Spencer, 29, said to his wife Heidi according to the UK’s Daily Star. “Gobsmacked cameramen were left red-faced at the moans and groans as the married pair’s passions were played out,” the paper reported. Heidi, 26, then seemed to leave the room and return with a handful of tissues.

Really? A handful of tissues is all it takes to clean up after sex? Admit it: Spencer’s penis is the size of a Tic-Tac, isn’t it? To be fair though, it’s not like they actually had sex, since Heidi’s internal organs and genitalia were removed via plastic surgery so that they’d have a place to store her batteries, while Spencer having sex would be like dropping a piece of over-cooked macaroni down a well.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Joan Rivers Joan Rivers told a CNN anchor to 'shut up' before walking out on her interview! PopSugar
Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson got married in Santa Barbara on Saturday Celebitchy
Jimmy Kimmel learned Sia's "Chandelier" dance from Dance Mom star Maddie Ziegler! SOW
Cameron Diaz talks about her distaste for those suicidal maniacs called kids The Blemish
Behind closed doors Jennifer Lopez is a mess over her split from Casper Smart? ICYDK
So I guess Michelle Rodriguez and cutie Zac Efron are now a thing these days? Celebslam
Usher's "Good Kisser" gets the remix treatment from electronic duo Disclosure OMG Blog
Brit pop star Rita Ora was snapped while trying to describe her ideal man Hollywood Tuna
Don't miss out on these new David Beckham bodywear ads for his H&M collection! Oh La La
Lady Gaga tries to drag Madonna and her fans to save her own sinking reputation Evil Beet
Shocking News: Sherri Shepherd's super messy divorce just got even messier ... Dlisted