Heidi and Spencer faked sex on ‘Celebrity Big Brother’

When we last left Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, they were banished to a cold dark basement by complete strangers and Spencer was acting like a douchebag. Basically, the universe was as it should be. Anyway, because nothing brings in the page views like a sex tape, even if it’s a sex tape by useless nobodies — Hello, Octomom! — Spencer and Heidi figured that there was no better place to make another fake sex tape than on Celebrity Big Brother‘s live-streaming cameras. Via RadarOnline

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are contestants on Celebrity Big Brother in the UK, and they got so frisky over the weekend that the bosses banned their steamy sex session from the airwaves! In images deemed too racy to air live on the reality show, the outspoken couple were snuggling under the covers and things started to heat up.

“I love you so much. It’s getting hot in here,” Spencer, 29, said to his wife Heidi according to the UK’s Daily Star. “Gobsmacked cameramen were left red-faced at the moans and groans as the married pair’s passions were played out,” the paper reported. Heidi, 26, then seemed to leave the room and return with a handful of tissues.

Really? A handful of tissues is all it takes to clean up after sex? Admit it: Spencer’s penis is the size of a Tic-Tac, isn’t it? To be fair though, it’s not like they actually had sex, since Heidi’s internal organs and genitalia were removed via plastic surgery so that they’d have a place to store her batteries, while Spencer having sex would be like dropping a piece of over-cooked macaroni down a well.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Madonna "Two Steps Behind Me" Lady Gaga Diss Track Madonna disses Lady Gaga on her rumored upcoming track "Two Steps Behind Me" The Blemish
Adam Levine feels 'slightly more masculine, more like a man' now that he's married Celebitchy
Beyoncé and Jay Z's Labor Day PDA puts an end to those rampant divorce rumors! PopSugar
Oh Dear: Girls' Lena Dunham Instagrammed a photo of herself just as she woke up ... SOW
Truth: Courtney Stodden will never come close to being a legend like Marilyn Monroe! ICYDK
Hacked: The greatest celebrity nude photo leak of all time is now upon us all! Celebslam
Start your week out right ... listen to Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" (The Fart Remix) OMG Blog
Want to see naked photos from the celebrity cellphone hack of the century? Hollywood Tuna
Matthew Terry is the ultimate Calvin Klein model ... from jeans to underwear–hot! Oh La La
Ugh: Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg simply could not wait to get married! Evil Beet
Baby North West has already totally mastered an expert-level 'over it' expression ... Dlisted