Heidi Montag is booking gigs at strip clubs

Oh heck, we all knew this was going to happen sooner or later, right? Heidi Montag, or at the very least, the shrieking collection of meat and silicone that stole her face, has finally decided to start booking gigs at strip clubs. Granted, only as a hostess, but still, I’m sure if you stick a couple quarters in the coin slot located on her neck, she’ll probably start rocking back and forth like one of those child-sized metal rocket ships outside of pharmacies. TMZ reports …

TMZ has learned … The former MTV reality star has struck a $25,000 deal to appear at the Crazy Horse III strip club in Vegas on October 19 … but there’s a pretty big catch. Montag — and her G-cup boobs — will not be getting naked. So, patrons will only get a chance to throw money at giant unfamous boobs that night. Montag was only hired to host the club’s 3rd Year Anniversary Party. Sources at the club tell us … Spencer will accompany Heidi to the gentlemen’s establishment.

So if I’m reading this right, Montag will end up stripping anyway because seriously, she let a doctor turn her into a literal human hour-glass for attention, while Spencer Pratt huddles in the corner crying, confused and scared. “What are these breast things you guys keep going on about?” he’ll ask. “Are those like the sub-atomic fusion reactors my wife has in her chest cavity?”

Heidi Montag

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Lindsay Lohan Lindsay Lohan on her (messy) first performance of Speed-The-Plow in London ... Dlisted
George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are now officially married–well, almost! Celebitchy
Jennifer Lopez and BFF Leah Remini were in a hit-and-run with a drunk driver! PopSugar
Sofia Vergara has a problem with that bitch on Modern Family ... find out who! SOW
You can look at the leaked celebrity nudes photos, because they're art now The Blemish
Paris Hilton loves to spend money and her latest outing is totally proof of that! ICYDK
Here is my new favorite picture of Kim Kardashian ... oh such composure! Celebslam
O-Town cutie Ashley Parker Angel is putting his Instagram to very good use ... OMG Blog
I will say this, that famewhore MILF definitely knows how to dress ... Hollywood Tuna
When he is not doing everything Calvin Klein, Matthew Terry likes to model Oh La La
Britney Spears is getting her beauty on and now has a new fancy bob haircut! Evil Beet