Gwyneth Paltrow wants to be like Jessica Simpson?!

Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Simpson

Gwyneth Paltrow is one of the most high-profile and legendarily posh celebrities out there. Jessica Simpson doesn’t know how canned tuna works and got out of a Jenny Craig contract by getting pregnant almost immediately after giving birth. So naturally, Gwyneth has decided to back off of acting and become Jessica, because the intoxicating allure of 24/7 Applebee’s cannot be resisted. That’s not a joke: I’d totally be eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Get it, girl. Us Weekly reports …

Paltrow is hoping to emulate the career of another multitalented star: Jessica Simpson! “She admires Jessica’s empire,” the source says of the Academy Award winner, 40. “She wants to make a killing.” The two-time cookbook author’s rep says she has no plans to give up acting altogether, telling the Feb. 25 issue of Us Weekly, “She won’t quit acting. Her plan is to do one, maybe two supporting parts a year.” Even so, the source cautions, “She’s lost her passion for movies.”

Mind you, this is Gwyneth, so this is probably how it’s going to turn out …

Gwyneth: Jessica, tell me your secrets. How do you stay so happy?
Jessica: If you mix ketchup and mayonnaise, it’s really good to dip your fries in!
Gwyneth: Ummmm, okay, that-
Jessica: If you take the bottom half of a cupcake and put it on top of the frosting, it makes a cupcake sandwich.
Gwyneth: OH GOD, I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. I WANT TO BE IN MOVIES AGAIN! I WANT TO BE IN MOVIES!!!

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

Super Fresh Gossip From Around The Web!

Chris Martin Chris Martin just took off his wedding ring ... and looks happier than ever! Bohomoth
Cutie Jared Leto on living in the South: 'We escaped early on ... it's very oppressive' Celebitchy
Drake finds out what the general public really thinks about him thanks to Kimmel! SOW
We've seen Miley Cyrus' nipples for the past 3 months, so is this really that exciting? The Blemish
Lindsay Lohan is partying over at Coachella ... will she be able to stay sober? ICYDK
Kate Winslet is getting annoyed at people wanting her to sign her nude sketch Celebslam
See reverse perspectives of iconic album covers with 'Dark Side Of The Cover' OMG Blog
Is model Kate Upton close to becoming the new Anna Nicole Smith? Hollywood Tuna
What a better way to start the day then some Josh Henderson (Dallas) hotness? Oh La La
Apparently Tori Spelling cannot give her hubby Dean McDermott enough sex! Evil Beet
Wow ... Brooke Mueller somehow got custody of her twin boys back again! Dlisted