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Gwyneth Paltrow wants to be like Jessica Simpson?!

Gwyneth Paltrow wants to be like Jessica Simpson?!

Gwyneth Paltrow and Jessica Simpson

Gwyneth Paltrow is one of the most high-profile and legendarily posh celebrities out there. Jessica Simpson doesn’t know how canned tuna works and got out of a Jenny Craig contract by getting pregnant almost immediately after giving birth. So naturally, Gwyneth has decided to back off of acting and become Jessica, because the intoxicating allure of 24/7 Applebee’s cannot be resisted. That’s not a joke: I’d totally be eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Get it, girl. Us Weekly reports …

Paltrow is hoping to emulate the career of another multitalented star: Jessica Simpson! “She admires Jessica’s empire,” the source says of the Academy Award winner, 40. “She wants to make a killing.” The two-time cookbook author’s rep says she has no plans to give up acting altogether, telling the Feb. 25 issue of Us Weekly, “She won’t quit acting. Her plan is to do one, maybe two supporting parts a year.” Even so, the source cautions, “She’s lost her passion for movies.”

Mind you, this is Gwyneth, so this is probably how it’s going to turn out …

Gwyneth: Jessica, tell me your secrets. How do you stay so happy?
Jessica: If you mix ketchup and mayonnaise, it’s really good to dip your fries in!
Gwyneth: Ummmm, okay, that-
Jessica: If you take the bottom half of a cupcake and put it on top of the frosting, it makes a cupcake sandwich.
Gwyneth: OH GOD, I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. I WANT TO BE IN MOVIES AGAIN! I WANT TO BE IN MOVIES!!!