Even though the average person probably couldn’t buy even the cheapest item in one of Gwyneth Paltrow‘s GOOP newsletters, Gwyneth has decided to go ahead and turn it into an app, which will guide you around New York City in the most condescending way possible. It’s like the Sex and the City walking tour, only instead of showing you the building where Samantha shoved two-and-a-half cucumbers up her ass, it’ll just guide you around New York City while remarking how poor you are without a wood-burning pizza oven in your backyard. Entertainment Weekly reports:
This latest venture, called GOOP City, became available on iPhones and iPads today for $3.99. Like everything else GOOP, it’s nothing if not universal (if you fit any of the three conditions above). The iOS app will offer tips on restaurants, bars, shopping, walking tours, and more. For now, GOOP City will focus on New York City, though more cities will be GOOPified in coming months. Paltrow described the app as “a trusted friend,” explaining that she was inspired by “years of being steered in the wrong direction by bribed concierges, biased opinions, and just plain bad suggestions.”
The app will also go through your phone and lambaste you for your choice in other apps. “Angry Birds? Really? Personally, I only play angry birds with pure bred peregrine falcons, raised by an old, one-armed Yucatanian man who feeds them only his tears and organic pear seeds. And the pigs are of course raised by a blind opera singer, who sings Bubba Sparxxx‘s ‘Miss New Booty‘ to them while a crying clown spoon-feeds them foie gras and rubs their skin with fair trade pesto. But I guess your way is good too.”
