Quantcast
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Gwyneth Paltrow compares mean web comments to war

Gwyneth Paltrow compares mean web comments to war
May 29, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Gwyneth Paltrow

Look, it’s kind of accepted at this point that Gwyneth Paltrow has lived in a secure little bubble of udder wealth to the point where she cannot fathom any other reality aside from her own. Combine that with the fact that she’s living well above the means of probably 99% of the world, and the fact that she has no problem telling people how to live their lives, and it all forms into a roiling pot of wealthy delusion. Anyway, her latest addition to that particular bubbling stew is this little comment she made, via TMZ, about how reading mean comments about her on the web is like war. A comment she made on Memorial Day because gawddammit.

Shortly before her appearance at the Code tech conference this week, Paltrow said, “You come across [comments] about yourself and about your friends, and it’s a very dehumanizing thing. It’s almost like how, in war, you go through this bloody, dehumanizing thing, and then something is defined out of it.” Paltrow — whose most recent life struggle was probably a scuffed nail — added, “My hope is, as we get out of it, we’ll reach the next level of conscience.”

Look, I get that it sucks ass reading trollish comments about yourself on the web, but Jeebus Krispy Kreme, war? This is the analogy you settled on? And on a day that’s supposed to be about memorializing those who actually fought in wars for their country? Honey no. No to all of that. I want to rent one of those planes with a banner that trails behind it and just have the word “Please stop that, Gwyneth Paltrow” fly by her home. I want to trim her hedges in a decorative manner so that they spell out the words “There is a seriously logical fallacy in your argument, Gwyneth Paltrow.” I want to buy her a box of organic, gluten-free cupcakes and have the icing on top of them spell out “Hurtful words on the internet are hurtful, yes, but save for a few extreme cases where the reader actually suffers from diagnosed PTSD, the feelings they elicit are natural human emotions rather than outright psychological harm.” But those are all just hilariously over the top reactions, so that’s not going to happen.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.