Fleshlight offers Lindsay Lohan $1 Million!

Since Lindsay Lohan has pretty much zero chances of ever being a serious actress again because her only current project is a stunt-casting, famewhoring biopic about the Gottis that is stuck in the deepest circle of development hell, the word is that her only option left is porn, to which I say: no thank you. But since she already showed off the firecrotch to her family for a million dollars, the good people at Fleshlight want to make a mold of that firecrotch so that they can manufacture it and make a whole bunch of firecrotches for your masturbatory needs. No, really. TMZ reports:

The honchos from an adult entertainment company called Fleshlight have fired over a letter to Lohan’s reps … hoping to seal a deal with the actress which would allow the company to take a mold of LiLo’s lady parts to produce “authentic” Lindsay Lohan sex toys. Shockingly, the practice of genital molding is not that uncommon in the world of adult entertainment …  loads of XXX actresses — including Jesse Jane and “Nailin’ Palin” star Lisa Ann –  have copied their private parts for sex toys. We’re told Lindsay hasn’t seen the offer yet … but sources close to the actress tell us, “She would never accept such an offer for any amount of money.”

Oh really? Not for any amount of money? Give her another two months of no work, and Dina Lohan will personally apply the mold herself. “Hold still dear, ’cause Mama’s coming down now and so God help me if my blood-alcohol level drops below .16 I will curb-stomp you.” Honestly, this could potentially be a big seller and a nice little windfall for Lindsay, so long as they don’t make a mouth-mold for her too. I don’t care how blue your balls are, I wouldn’t come within five feet of that rusty gate she calls a mouth with Michelle Bachmann‘s dick.

Lindsay Lohan

Jeremy Feist About Jeremy Feist

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.

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