I know, I know: I haven’t done these in a while, and now we have two days of back-to-back Five Things Wrong (Yesterday was Crystal Harris‘ Playboy cover)! It’s back with a vengeance people. A VENGEANCE. Anyway, Vanessa Hudgens‘ new ad for Candie’s is out, and I have no idea what they’re actually selling here, aside from ol’ fashion misogyny. Take a look below:
#1: What happened to your face? It used to be so cute and round, and now you have those weird cheekbones that look like they’re about to burst out of your face.
#2: No offense, but somewhere between those nude photos that got leaked online and the two hour nerd-boner that was Sucker Punch, is anyone else feeling a little blase about Vanessa showing off her body right now? You’re not Carmen Carrera sweetums, you can’t get away with it forever.
#3: Isn’t Candie’s supposed to be, like, a shoe store or something? Or are they the guys that promote abstinence? Because either way, I’m really not sure how they’re selling either one of those here.
#4: … Are they selling irons? That has to be it, right? They’re selling irons, it’s their new thing now. Because there’s absolutely no other reason why they’d get a beautiful woman to iron jeans in nothing but her underwear unless … Ah yes, that’s right. Fap material. Gotcha.
#5: For the sake of trying to see the trees through the forest, I went ahead and tried looking for her shoes. I see none. I see the vaguest hint of a shoe on her toes, but that’s about it. I certainly do not want to buy shoes now, but judging from her scary skinny ankles, I do want to buy Vanessa Hudgens a sandwich. Bitch needs some meat on her bones.