I’m incredibly aware of the banality of The MTV Movie Awards in 2013, but I can’t stop myself from watching. It’s like passing a car accident. MTV has the unique ability to highlight the true gems of our society, so here is just a taste of what we saw tonight.
On anyone else, this would be an utter train wreck. Don’t get me wrong, this look is a disaster but we have to look at the context of who’s wearing it. Ke$ha has worn a damn garbage bag to a red carpet for God’s sake and this is quite the upgrade. She also seemed pretty ignorant of her rectangular body shape until very recently so props to her for almost having a waist here! It’s all about baby steps and I think in due time, Ke$ha will almost be presentable for public consumption.
Oh, Kim Kardashian. I’m one of your last defenders in this world. I appreciate your role in our society’s obsession with celebrity. It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve the hate you get. That being said, we need to talk about what you’ve been wearing throughout this damn pregnancy. No one was happier when you announced you were with child than me and with Kanye West’s DNA, no less! I know that you know how to dress yourself so why do you insist on wearing the most awful maternity clothes? I’ve seen women with a quarter of your clothing budget look infinitely better than you while pregnant. You’re better than this. I’m not letting you slide.
Seth Rogen’s Wife
I had to Google who she was but apparently Lauren Miller is an actress that has been seen in some of Seth Rogen’s movies. Good for her. Here, we can see her in what can only be described as an orange-tinsel-lined apron that was bought on clearance in the Macy’s home section. It’s not even one of the cute aprons from the Martha Stewart collection. It’s just straight up hideous.
Full disclosure: I hate Macklemore. This atrocious outfit isn’t helping my opinions of him. The most glaring mistake is the combination of his loafer with the length of his pant leg. It’s all wrong. We also need to discuss the cape. If you look excessive at the MTV Movie Awards, you need to rethink everything.
That Girl From Paramore
Hayley Williams was charming when I was in high school so that would place her peak somewhere around six years ago. She’s worn out her welcome. Her outfit just screams desperation. The two-tone hair, the cropped overalls, and the hideous shoes seem like a way for us to make her start talking about her again. Let’s not give in.