Farrah Abraham is going to rehab now

Farrah Abraham is going to rehab now
July 1, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Farrah Abraham

Because why not exhaust every last trick in the famewhore playbook, Farrah Abraham is going into rehab now. Not the actual, “I have a problem and I’m going to fix it” kind of rehab, but the one where d-list celebrities go because it’s not like they have anything better to do and they need a shot of fleeting fame to extend their limited shelf life. RadarOnline reports …

Describing it as a preemptive step to ensure that she continues on the right path, the 22-year-old told Radar: “At this time in my life, I need to stay focused on the positive to get through all of the negative that a DUI has caused in my life.”

“I’m 22 and I want to make better choices and ensure I can recognize when I am putting myself in a bad situation next time,” she added. Although she recently passed the course, the director of the Texas-based program noted Farrah “had difficulty making eye contact, was standoffish and was sarcastic when answering the questions asked of her,” according to a document provided to Radar. She recommended Farrah complete 60 hours of intensive outpatient treatment, followed by 12 months of after care.

So basically, Farrah is trying to spin this as her making a conscious decision to make better choices, and then the woman over-seeing her stepped in and went “HA! That’s cute. No, you’re just an asshole and we want to get rid of you for 60 hours.” My gawd, you know you’ve failed at life when you can’t even lie about rehab. Tila Tequila could do that, and the state legally declared her too stupid to pee her pants without a step-by-step instruction manual.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.