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Farrah Abraham opens a yogurt restaurant, hilarity ensues

Farrah Abraham opens a yogurt restaurant, hilarity ensues
July 11, 2014 JEREMY FEIST

Farrah Abraham

When we last left Farrah Abraham … I don’t know. I think she was writing a book maybe? Well, ‘writing.’ Whatever, point is it was probably a dismal failure. But not one to let the haters blow her away or whatever, she decided to open a restaurant that serves food filled with greek yogurt. You know, because she has so much culinary experience from her years working in non-food related fields. Farrah’s hilarious attempt at trying to make her cooking sound palatable, via Gawker

Farrah Abraham, having conquered publishing, sex tapes, and reality television, has set her sights on the next frontier of entrepreneurism: selling frozen yogurt and other not-hot foods. She’s opening Froco Fresh Frozen in Austin this fall. Apparently, according to Froco website copy—ostensibly written by Abraham herself—that has since been replaced with dummy text, Greek yogurt will be slathered on everything …

The founder after moving to Texas at the age of 22 right before the creation of Froco was told by her doctor to better her health with plain Greek yogurt. Being the foodie that the founder is, the founder put Greek yogurt in everything – sandwiches, pastas, salads, wraps, sushi, desserts and the founder was happy to taste better enhancement of flavors with the Greek yogurt in all the food options. The founder found the balance of taste, health, and quality and wanted to bring this to everyone’s lifestyle all year round.

“Mmmmm, try the word salad, honey! It’s delicious!” Anyway, since the internet refuses to let the abject failure of a terrible human being go unpunished, Farrah’s website was hacked and porn was posted all over it, but I think we’re forgetting the best part of this whole thing: That mascot.

YEEZUS, would you look at that thing? It’s like Sonic and Pac-Man got drunk on the set of Super Smash Bros. 4, had regret sex and gave birth to the end times. The word “abomination” gets thrown around a lot these days, but if you went to a marketing group and asked them to design a character to make hate crimes look fresh and poppin’, Coba the child-devouring orange demon would be what clawed its way out of the carnage.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.