January 17, 2016 ALEX NAGORSKI


If 2015 was the year of Amy Schumer, then 2016 has Michelle Collins written all over it.

Last week, New York’s reigning queen of stand-up kicked off the year with Magic Mich XXL, her brilliant and hilarious one-woman show at the legendary Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in lower Manhattan. For Collins, who is also one of the hosts of ABC’s The View, this performance was more than just a homecoming after years of performing in Los Angeles. It was the launch of a monthly residency that is just one of the many reasons that the Florida-raised 34-year-old is destined to become comedy’s next great superstar.

I caught up with Collins about her return to New York, her stand-up routine, The View, getting lap dances from Tyson Beckford, her upcoming appearances on various TV shows, and everything from Les Misérables to The Bachelor to Vanderpump Rules.


ALEX: Last week you performed in front of a sold-out crowd at UCB. Is this the beginning of more live stand-up shows from you in 2016? And if so, do you plan on taking your show on the road or maintaining more of a New York residency?

MICHELLE: Well, when I lived in LA, I did a monthly show at the UCB Theater there called “LOLS Angeles.” It was really fun. I enjoyed it and I performed a bunch. It’s taken me a little bit to get resettled in New York, but now I’m planning on doing a show every month at UCB! I already have a February date set up. I would love to take it on the road. I get tweets from people in places like Toronto and Austin that say, “Come here and perform!” I’d love to, but I have to make sure that I get my act together and get it organized first. Once that happens, I would love to.

What do you find to be the biggest differences between audiences in New York and LA?

The thing about UCB is that the people who go there go to laugh and just have fun. There’s no drink minimum. It’s different than your average comedy club where you have tourists and stuff. It’s a very welcoming crowd to perform for. Honestly, I don’t think there’s much of a difference between New York and LA audiences. The people here are less unemployed than the one’s in LA. That’s the main difference. They’re all great! I mean, I had such a good time there. And the show here was so much fun. It just got me back into the groove of doing those kind of shows.

As a comedienne, how do you feel that your humor is different when you’re appearing on day time TV versus when you’re doing your stand-up?

Oh, you’re a wonderful interviewer, Alex.

Well, thank you!

You were at the show, so hopefully you kind of saw the difference which was that when I’m given an hour, or ten minutes, or twenty to just be myself, it is a little different. I describe my stand-up as live spiraling. A lot of it isn’t written. In fact, none of it’s really written. I kind of go in knowing some of the stories I’m going to tell but I also let the energy of the room carry me through. Which is a lot of fun because I myself then don’t know what’s going to happen or where it’s going to go.

On daytime TV, you’re obviously a little bit more limited. I think any comedian would say that. Especially on a show like The View, where you have other people there too. It does change the vibe a little bit. It’s like a brunch versus just “me me me.” I also can’t curse on TV, which, as an educated lady of refined taste, hurts me deeply. I haven’t made a cursing mistake yet, but I’ve said things I didn’t know you’d get bleeped for. Like I didn’t know that “camel toe” was a bleep-able offense.

Camel toe? Really? How does that get bleeped but something like “bitch” doesn’t?

I think because it’s very visual. That really makes you think of camel feet.

Michelle Collins

During the show last night, you spoke a little bit about your musical theater background.

Yeah. Or lack of a background.

When you performed “It’s All Over” from Dreamgirls in its entirety, I turned to my boyfriend and said, “She can really sing!”

I literally love to sing. I always have, Alex. I always have. I hope he agreed with you.

He did!

Good! I like him already.

How did you transition from theater to comedy?

There was no transition! I never actually made it in musical theater.

 So there’s no chance we’ll see you on Broadway one day?

Oh my gosh, are you kidding? I would love that! I always say that my dream role would be Jean Valjean or Javert. People are always like, “Um, those are male parts.” But that’s my voice! I would make people cry. If I was Jean Valjean, people would literally openly weep in the theater. I love Les Miz, it’s my favorite. I would either have to be one of those characters or Mama Morton in Chicago. There are very limited parts for a curvy, baritoned lady like myself.

In terms of fellow comics, who inspired you the most growing up?

Growing up, my parents were really into comedies. My father was actually a part-time stand-up comic when I was little, so we always had stand-up playing in the house. I would say Joan Rivers was the main inspiration in my life. We watched a lot of George Carlin. Back in the 80s, Ellen had an HBO special that I remember thinking was the funniest thing I had ever seen. It probably still is. But out of all the stand-up, the one thing I wasn’t allowed to watch was Eddie Murphy Raw. For whatever reason, my parents would not let me watch that and I was furious. I was like, “what could he possibly say in it?”

So obviously that was the one you watched the most because it was the forbidden one!

Yes! Whenever they’d leave the house, I would watch that and Harmony Korine movies like Kids. I’d be like, “I’m sooooo edgy” and “I can’t handle how edgy I am right now.” I would say all those for sure really inspired me. And then there were a lot of wonderful female comedians in the 80s like Rita Rudner and Elaine Boosler. You don’t hear a lot about those ladies anymore but they’re really funny.

When you’re working on your stand-up, are there any specific topics that you always make sure to include? In other words, is there anything that you have to make sure to cover because it’s signature Michelle Collins?

I always talk about my hair because it’s a topic of conversation for everybody, obviously. Height needs to come up. I’m 6’1”. My height is actually the second most searched thing after you put my name into Google.


Yeah, the height comes up second. A lot of people seem to be curious about it — and maybe a little aroused? I like to begin with a little self-deprecation, but in a creative way, not in a classic Cathy comic strip way. And I really try to get a song in. You know, just in case there any bookers in the crowd, so they know of my many gifts. But my stand-up is for the most part stories that happen to me. So yeah, my height and the size of my feet come up a lot. I’ve really made my ankle boots – my anky-bees – into a linchpin of my stand-up. It’s such a sad little life. I’m so sorry, Alex. Please go on.

What advice would you give to a struggling or aspiring comic about what defines success in this business?

I feel like I’m not even in a place to say it because I’m not a road comic. You know what I mean? I think a lot of people want to tour the country doing it, but I haven’t ever done that. My advice would really just be to put yourself out there as much as you can. I’m very lucky that I have a theater like UCB that gives me the opportunity to perform. So I’d say to just put yourself out there as much as possible. And I honestly think the Internet is the best way. That’s kind of how I started, actually. Blogging and writing. The great thing about the Internet is that it refreshes itself so often that there’s always something new to talk and be funny about.

Speaking of the Internet, as the Managing Editor of VH1’s Best Week Ever website, you received two Webby Awards for Best Celebrity/Fan Blog in 2008. Then In 2009, you won the ECNY Award for Best Female Standup Comedian in New York, and in 2010, you won Logo’s NewNowNext Award for Breakout Comic.

I’m actually presenting at the NewNowNext Awards this year, by the way! They’re on February 1st. And I’m also doing stand-up on Logo on January 30th as part of Bianca Del Rio’s Comedy Cabaret.

That’s so exciting! I’m setting my DVR as soon as this is over. Between being on The View and having all of these aforementioned accolades under your belt already, what do you personally consider to be your biggest career achievement and/or highlight to date?

It has to be The View obviously, right? I mean, listen. As a comedian, just to sit next to Whoopi Goldberg on a daily basis, it’s like, are you kidding me?! I truly don’t understand how it happened. I feel so, so lucky every day. I know it’s so annoying when people say that and I feel annoyed at myself for saying it. But it’s true! I can’t lie about it and I don’t want to be too cool for it. It’s a really, really fun thing that I’m lucky enough to do. I would say that’s pretty big. And on a personal level, The Bachelor After Show is a highlight just because I’m such a Bachelor super fan. I’m actually going to be on it January 25th! I love a good Chris Harrison moment, you know I do.

Who do you predict is going to win this season?

I don’t even know their names! How can I possibly predict a smear of peach colored foundation? I don’t know who they are or where they came from. I know one’s from Russia. There’s really only one star, her name is Lace. She is clearly a producer plant. She’ll probably last another maybe two or three weeks for fun.

Michelle CollinsWhat do you find to be both the most rewarding and most challenging parts of being a host on The View?

My favorite thing to do is the celebrity interviews. I love when people come on because they’re always so happy to be there. I think for me, actually, it ties into the most challenging part, which is sitting at a table with someone like, for example, Toni Colette, and then not spending the whole time we have together telling her how much I love Muriel’s Wedding. You know what I mean? I have to reign myself in. I want them to know, “you are making a difference!” and “this stuff is incredible!” So that’s been really hard for me to just through gritted teeth be like, “when’s your next project coming out?” instead of bringing up all of these incredible things they’ve already done that have impacted and resonated with me personally.

As for rewarding, I’ll tell you something. It’s been really fun being back in New York, which is my favorite city in the country by far. Just having people randomly say to me, “I love you on the show!” is so wild. Like how do you know who I am?! It’s just a very weird thing to happen. It’s really, really a fun show to be a part of. I genuinely mean it.

What’s been your favorite episode so far?

Well, I did once get a lap dance from Tyson Beckford.

 Oh, well, that sounds like it would probably be anyone’s favorite episode!

Right? He gave me a lap dance and I think that in that very same episode, Billy Crystal also gave me a lap dance. I literally felt Billy’s crystals. And Tyson is, I mean forget about it. Sometimes certain actors come on and I’m so intimidated that I turn into a Gwen Stefani Harajuku girl. The woman that you saw at my stand-up show was not the version they get on The View. They get sort of a wilting flower, who is all sweet and shy. It’s like I turn into Hatsumomo from Memoirs of A Geisha.

You had done various guest spots on the show before you joined the panel full-time. How did you find out that you were selected as a permanent host?

They actually told me in person. I was doing the show after a red eye from LA to New York and I was exhausted. They called me to the office afterwards and told me. I was so dead tired that I was worried that I was having a fever dream. I hadn’t slept in probably 24 hours and the only thing I could keep saying was, “That’s awesome! Thank you, that’s so awesome!” I mean, I could not have come off any stupider. They were probably thinking they hired some idiot who can’t even form a full sentence. It was like Guantanamo levels of exhaustion for me.

Michelle CollinsTonight, you’ll be making your Bravo clubhouse debut on Watch What Happens Live alongside Jax from Vanderpump Rules. So I’ve gotta ask, are you Team Jax or Team James?

Oof. That’s a hard one. It’s funny because a friend of mine, Lara, has a podcast called “Pumped Podcast“, which I’ve been a guest on, and they only talk about Vanderpump Rules. I’m friends with Ariana and Tom on Twitter, and Ariana especially is just so nice. But Lara has met James and she says he’s hysterically funny in person and that you don’t really get to see that side of him on the show. So I don’t know! But I’m going to say I’m Team Jax because at least he’s honest about his own shadiness, and there’s definitely something charming and to be said about that.

To wrap up, if you had won the Powerball lottery, what would you have done with the money?

I would probably have bought Fox from Rupert Murdoch. He’s getting married now anyway, so he doesn’t have time to run a network. I’d have just given myself like a solid three-hour block of programming, probably after MasterChef Junior. It’d be like when Robert DeNiro gave himself a talk show in Casino. And then I’d become America’s sweetheart, and I mean, what else is there?

I think that’s a great plan.

I love you for that.

Well, thank you so much Michelle. I really appreciate it and I can’t wait to catch your next UCB show!

Oh my gosh, thank you! I’m really glad you had a good time at the show.

Alex has been writing for PopBytes since 2011. As the Theater Editor, he primarily focuses on all aspects of Broadway, Off-Broadway, Regional Theater, and beyond. After growing up in Poland, Germany, and Russia, Alex spent several years living in New York before moving full-time to the Berkshires in Massachusetts. To read more from Alex, check out his blog, Headphone Infatuation, and follow him on Twitter @AlexNagorski.