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Courtney Stodden will never be naked in Playboy!

Courtney Stodden will never be naked in Playboy!
September 3, 2012 JEREMY FEIST
Courtney Stodden

Now that Courtney Stodden has turned eighteen, thus upgrading her from “creepy, underage sex-troll” to “creepy, legal sex-troll”, it’s time for her to fulfill her destiny by appearing in porn … oh, wait, she’s turning down porn? Really? What, does she think there’s a role in a mainstream movie for her? She has the acting range of a Furby with the batteries taken out. Just … guh. Whatever. Anyway, she is willing to do Playboy magazine however, because somehow that’s completely different, but no! Not even Playboy will have her naked on their pages! TMZ reports:

Courtney Stodden told TMZ Live this week she is considering doing porn — after receiving at least 4 offers — but then tweeted last night she wasn’t … and was doing Playboy instead. But according to our Playboy sources, no offer has been made to Stodden nor will one EVER be made. Our sources say Stodden “doesn’t meet the standards of a Playboy model” … adding she looks too “enhanced.” One source added, “[Playboy] would NEVER take her. I don’t think anybody really wants to see that anyway.”

Can we just talk about how hilarious this is? Courtney is a total blonde moron, nipped and tucked into a grotesque satire of the female body, and instilled with an innate drive to sleep with much older men (like her hubby Doug Hutchison) for the sake of money and attention, and Playboy is just like “Nope, don’t want it.” To put that into perspective: Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson, Bridget Marquardt, The Shannon Twins, Crystal Harris? Yes! Hell, they even had Lindsay Lohan get naked at her crackiest, yes! But Courtney? NEVER, HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT?

Courtney Stodden