Despite the fact that I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to post child pornography on the internet, Courtney Stodden has launched her own website in order to promote all the nothing she does. Oh, and did we mention she’s selling autographed posters of herself in a bikini for $39.99? Yeah, you thought I was kidding about the child endangerment thing before, didn’t you? Not so much, it turns out … E! Online reports:
That’s right. Everybody’s favorite teen bride, Courtney Stodden, has now made it easier than ever for her, ahem, fans to keep up with the 17-year-old who married 51-year-old Doug Hutchison last year … by launching her very own website! So, what can one expect to find there? Well, we’ll tell you. That is, assuming, you haven’t already checked it out!
I’m just going to go ahead and cut into the blockquote right here, but if you have already checked out Courtney’s website, your name has been entered into a police database. Hope you enjoy going door-to-door in your neighborhood telling everyone you’re a sex criminal! Back to the blockquote:
In a press release (yes, really) sent out yesterday, the site will feature “never-before-seen photos, videos, up-to-the-minute news flashes, press releases, blogs, networking, a boutique and exclusives.” But wait, there’s more! If you sign up as a VIP member, you can buy an autographed poster of the rising star in a bikini for the low, low price of $39.99. But the perks don’t stop there. You’ll also be privy to special announcements, be the first to hear her upcoming single, “Reality,” as well as be eligible to win complimentary passes to Stodden’s 18th birthday bash in August.
Oh, yeah, did we mention she’s not eighteen yet? BECAUSE SHE’S NOT EIGHTEEN YET. Here’s an actual conversation I had with a friend of mine.
Him: So who is this? (*pointing at Courtney Stodden*)
Me: That’s Courtney Stodden.
Him: What does she do exactly?
Me: Nothing. I mean, when she was sixteen she got married to a washed-up 51-year-old actor, and she posts slutty pictures of herself on the internet, and also she talks like her vagina is trying to recite an incantation that will summon the dickwolves. But she doesn’t really do anything.
Him: How is she not in jail?
Me: There is no God.
Him: Yeah, that sounds right.