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Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison officially split

Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison officially split
November 6, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Courtney Stodden

Last Friday, a rumor started going around that Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison were officially splitting up, which is probably for the best; I’m assuming Doug’s warranty on his Famewhores R’ Us teen bride unit was up anyway. Well, Courtney and Doug have officially announced their separation to The Daily Mail, the last legitimate news site willing to pretend these two are famous.

After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated. This is a mutual and amicable decision that they’re making together. As you know, Courtney was married at a a young age. Now, at nineteen, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult — with the freedom to explore her independence. Doug supports Courtney 100%. The two will share custody of their precious pup, Dourtney, remain living in the same house [for now] in separate bedrooms, and Doug will be co-managing Courtney’s career.

“We love each other very much, want for each other’s happiness, and will continue being the best of friends for life”. — Doug Hutchison and Courtney Stodden.

And in case you’re wondering: Yes, they marked their divorce by going out for a staged photo shoot with their wedding rings off. Famewhores to the end these two. Anyway, it’s been a while since we pulled this out, but if there was ever a press release that needed to be plugged into the PopBytes Patented Bullsh!t-to-Actual-Human-Speech Translator, this is it. Let me just calibrate it to “publicity stunt marriage” and …

“F**k it, we’ve been married long enough. We had no business getting married, so we’re just gonna get a divorce so that Courtney can start doing porn and Doug can languish in obscurity. They will share custody of their dog, Dourtney, the only dog in the world capable of saying the word ‘suicide’. Courtney and Doug will continue living with each other, because neither one of them actually has a job.

“We faked an emotional relationship for publicity. Gays can’t get married, but apparently, we can shack up for a couple years for the sake of jump-starting a career. Ain’t America grand? — Doug and Courtney”

PHOTO | FAME/FLYNET

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.