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WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Chris Brown got in a fight with a valet over ten bucks?

Chris Brown got in a fight with a valet over ten bucks?
March 7, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Chris Brown

Whenever we call out Chris Brown for being an angry, violent douche, we usually end up getting emails to the tune of “He’s changed now! You don’t know him!” or “That’s in the past, stop bringing it up!” To those people, I say: Here’s Chris and his stupid useless hanger-on friends getting into a fight with a valet over a ten dollar surcharge, because he’s so peaceful now you guys. From TMZ

It all went down at PINZ bowling alley in Studio City … where CB had been attending a charity event with his posse. But when Chris went to get his car from the valet, the guy working the parking lot asked for the $10 charge … and Chris got PISSED. After the valet made it clear he couldn’t release the car without the cash … the singer and his posse surrounded the guy … and at one point you can hear Chris say, “F*ck ten dollars.” Sources at the scene tell us Brown was angry because he was only at the event for 30 minutes and felt like he was getting ripped off by the valet. As tensions grew, someone in Chris’ posse can be heard saying. “We got the money … don’t worry about it.” But Chris DID worry about it … and in a threatening manner, told the valet, “We gonna turn this whole thing on out.”

What, that? Oh pshaw, I bet plenty of people threaten to “turn this whole thing on out” over a $10 charge. I’ve never heard anything more reasonable than that. Why, just the other day were at the opera when they asked us for $10 in exchange for a pair of opera glasses. “Good sir,” I said, “Those prices are unwieldy! I shant pay more than five pence for your operatic binoculars, or we shall most verily turn this whole thing out!” And then I punched him right in the face and left him for dead because that’s WHY WON’T YOU ALL JUST FOCUS ON THE MUSIC?

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.