Quantcast
WHEN MUSIC POPS, WE TURN IT UP

Chris Brown: Bailed out by the Secret Service?

Chris Brown: Bailed out by the Secret Service?
October 31, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Chris Brown

Remember how I said that Chris Brown wouldn’t ever be held accountable for his fight over the weekend because the legal system will bend over backwards for anyone vaguely famous? Well, I wasn’t kidding. According to TMZ, the Secret Service, as in the people tasked with protecting the President of the United States, actually stepped in on Chris’ behalf to help keep him out of jail.

Here’s what we know. According to official D.C. documents — obtained by TMZ — a witness to the fight early Sunday morning told cops he heard the alleged victim tell a D.C. cop Brown NEVER HIT HIM. The cop later DENIED ever even speaking with the witness in question. But get this. A Secret Service agent made contact with D.C. police and told them he happened to be around when the victim told the cop Chris never struck him. The agent says he absolutely heard the victim’s admission to the cop that Chris never struck him. This is doubly helpful for Chris. The Secret Service agent’s testimony could destroy the credibility of the alleged victim and cause prosecutors to drop the misdemeanor assault case.

Oh my gawd … The Secret Service. THE SECRET FRIGGIN’ SERVICE. Whether or not you think he’s guilty, you have to admit that bringing in the President’s personal security team for a celebrity’s misdemeanor charge is a bit much, right? I’m just saying, if you spent your entire life learning how to take a bullet for the POTUS, and then you end up bailing out some man-child celebrity, something weird probably just happened.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.