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Chelsea Handler thinks Taylor Swift is a virgin

Chelsea Handler thinks Taylor Swift is a virgin
March 7, 2013 JEREMY FEIST

Chelsea Handler and Taylor Swift

Because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler both got a ton of internet love after they gently side-stepped Taylor Swift‘s banishment to hell, Chelsea Handler apparently said “me too!” and jumped on the bandwagon. So last night on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live, she told Andy Cohen that she thinks Taylor is a virgin, because sure why not? From Us Weekly

Handler, who is friends with Couric, addressed the controversy when Andy Cohen asked her to weigh in. “I think that was a bold statement, but I’m not on anyone’s side because I just don’t care enough,” the 38-year-old Chelsea Lately host said. “I like that she’s being that vociferous about something that she thinks they were out to get her. They were clearly making a joke just about her demeanor, which is embarrassing. I mean, she’s just dated so many men.”

“My theory about Taylor Swift is that she’s a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she’s like, ‘I’m not gonna do it.’ And they’re like, ‘Oh, well, forget it. Then I don’t want to date you,'” Handler imagined. “Every guy thinks they’re going to devirginize her, and they’re not. She’s never going to get devirginized, ever, ever, ever, ever.”

Honestly, if Taylor is a virgin? Power to her. But my problem with her isn’t the amount of sex she is or is not having, it’s the fact that she’s burning through high-publicity romances and then milking them for all the money and attention she ca- Wait, I think I just realized why I hate Taylor so much: Because she’s basically a Kardashian. Think about it: Kim Kardashian got married, and then divorced, and milked it for all it was worth. Taylor Swift dated a bunch of famous men, broke up with them, and then wrote songs about them. Oh … oh gosh. Taylor Swift is secretly Kim Kardashian in disguise.

Jeremy Feist is an (ahem) entertainer from Toronto, Canada. He writes, acts, and performs on stage, and has been a writer for Popbytes for almost three years now. He lives in Toronto with his boyfriend, his incredibly dumb but cute puppy, and his immortal cat.