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Charlie gives advice to Lindsay. Face, meet palm.

Charlie gives advice to Lindsay. Face, meet palm.
February 16, 2011 JEREMY FEIST
Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan

For reasons entirely beyond me, Charlie Sheen decided to give advice to Lindsay Lohan during an appearance on a radio show the other day. And before you ask, no, it’s not about how she can snort more coke and shoot more prostitutes, he’s actually trying to teach her impulse control. FUCKING. SERIOUSLY.

“You get Lindsay on the show, I will call in,” he told Patrick. “I’ve got some advice for her. I’ve got some things I would recommend she consider because I don’t tell anybody what to do. Work on your impulse control. Just try to think things through a little bit before you do them. I was not there in the store, the necklace, the thing, the bracelet, who cares? They’re so desperate to vilify without fact,” he continued, talking about her felony theft charges and lashing out at a media he’s battled with himself. SOURCE

Want an actual piece of advice on how to balance hedonism with your career, Lindsay? Have a penis. I’m sorry, but there is no other reason as to why Charlie can do more coke, more booze and more woman-punching than Lindsay while still getting paid two million per episode. Seriously, I made a venn diagram and everything. The only difference between them is their hoo-has. Hey, boys will boys I suppose …

Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan